2015-07-09: Le Coq Sportif

When I was about ten I always found the brand name Le Coq Sportif funny. The Sporty Cock. I still do. Today we shall be Activity Roosters of the Winter Variety.

Road Cone for scale, except it is a big road cone.

Calgary held the Winter Olympics back before Jamaica had made a splash in the bobsledding world and increased sales of Red Stripe and Jerk Chicken worldwide. Heh, Jerking the Chicken.
Even though it is summer the remnants of the winter wonderland are in use. They have converted the ski slopes for bmx riding. The big ski jump has ziplines and the bobsled run is open. for about $100 you get ziplines and bobsled activities. Both have hats.

If you don't finish you aren't last. So knock off all those jokes, I'm looking at you Hermes Conrad.

Activity Review: Ziplines

I am afraid of heights. We did the Sydney Bridge Walk and I found that quite difficult. The zipline here is The Highest Zipline in the World. Or maybe The Fastest Zipline in the World. It is definitely the Somethingest in the World. Or maybe the Somethingest in North America. I treat these claims with a certain amount of trust as tourism operators would never lie to me, they just might be a bit vague and have some teeny tiny writing explaining the contortions of facts required to meet the standards of The Somethingest in the Something.

How The World Is from inside my head

The zipline adventure starts with a training run where you get to practice mooning the operators. They say it is to reduce impact when stopping, I think they just like looking at my bum; Fair enough -  I work out.
After your buttocks have been inspected for impact resistance a forgetful Lady drives you to the highest ski jump and you take the elevator to the top. Nice view of Calgary.

How The World Is from an external viewpoint

You clip on, attach your parachute, nod to indicate you were listening to the instructions. If they asked questions about the instructions it would be trickier to get approval. They pull the floor out from under you then kick you off into space. Wheeeee!
I might not be afraid of heights anymore.

Rating: 7/10 (worth doing once but not that scary)

Ice Football. I don't think it is going to catch on

Keeping a bobsled (we are in America and so will use the local spelling) run covered in ice during summer would be expensive and tricky. The locals obviously keep their hockey rinks covered in ice during summer but but hockey is more popular than bobsled. To save money they instead have fitted out the sled with tires.

The covering roof is to keep the severed limbs from flying into the crowd. Tires don't sever limbs though so we'll be fine.

The guy riding with us to prevent death and dismemberment is an ex professional bobsled guy. I think he is Swiss. He is the Brakeman.

No Stereo. I was hoping for some Dubstep on the way down.

From my memories of the Disney Documentary about the Jamaican bobsled team the Swiss were arrogant and nasty but then found their hearts at the end of the documentary. Who would think that a Swiss fellow clapping could move a Stern (and Rugged) Man like myself to tears? History is great!

"Crossing the finish line with the sled upside down or on its side doesn't disqualify a team, as long as everyone is still inside." It's in the rules.

I am the Driver of the bobsled. I have done my research into How To Drive a Bobsled. Those Jamaicans should have read How Stuff Works before trying to race. They would have done better. We got the best time of the day.
I think we will have to go to Switzerland both for the emotional release of watching Swiss men clapping and to learn to Bob Sleigh (we will use their spelling when we go there).

I never found out what the Jamaicans call it. I shall have to watch the documentary again.