2015-04-30: The Future Was Here

Cultural Observations: Technology

Technology is weird here. Actually that's not true. The relationship with technology is weird here. In some ways it is like those sci fi books where the people are playing with technology from a previous generation that did something dumb and almost wiped themselves out.

Bah, doesn't even look like me. Which means there is another whacko wandering around. Or the sketch artists are crap.

Phones: The first bit of slang we learned was the teenagers cool words for "my lord that is a shitty old phone". They say it is a phone from the Galapagos islands. If we used that phrase whenever we saw an old style phone it would be all we ever said. A significant number of smartphones we do see have broken screens. This is apparently explained by the fact Japan has extraordinarily high taxes on imported technology (I need a new NAS and the one I want is twice the price at amazon.jp compared to amazon.com).

Caution: Fukushima Refugees Crossing.

Robots: I was surprised when Fukushima happened and they didn't have the robots to go in and do stuff until some Americans gave them some. I have always thought of Japan as the Home Of The Robot both culturally and technologically. Apparently this one is explained by political crap; I am lead to believe there were some robots in the next prefecture over but they wouldn't lend them out.

This was not a museum piece. It controlled souvenir coin manufacturing (or something). I understand having old tech if it works but shiny futuristic souvenirs lose a bit of their cool when they are made by a machine from the eighties. I'd hide it under some tinfoil.

Automation: I love the shinkansen, it's great, the doors are like ones from small private jet aircraft the way they open and the size. But I don't get why every time it comes in they use a person (in white gloves) to point at the departure board, the door of the train, the drivers as they leave etc. It's like they are doing a checklist of things which could easily be automated (and probably are). No one has really explained this to me yet but I am suspecting it is a combination of keeping people in jobs and not really trusting the robots that much anyway. Or maybe they don't trust their techy people. Given that some bright spark thought the robot suit at the science museum should have Terminator references on it I can understand that distrust.

She tried to insist that it was just painted look old. Reality is it was painted to look older, that is one damn old till. It would have been old when I was working bars 20 years ago.

I think after we learn to count (which is our baseline for being able to speak with native skills, everything has a slightly different counting system. Everything) if we can figure out the technology relationship we will be classed doing pretty good for gaijin.

Rating: 8/10 (I love these things which I don't think the locals even realise they are doing in a way that baffles the rest of the world [baffles me anyway])

2015-04-29: Alternative Medicine

The Princess's plan today is to heal me using alternative therapy. First to the gym to do yoga in the hot room. This didn't particularly appeal to me as I am not a bendy fellow at the best of times. My skills at sweating also need little encouragement.

Even less appealing than this product

But maybe it did make sense. Afterwards The Belgian Beer Weekend seemed even more appealing than it normally would have. We are in Golden Week now. This is a period when there are 4 public holidays within a week and the locals pull out their party hats.

This is fairly normal behaviour. Weird, but normal. I was surprised when she didn't actually start stripping.

This probably explains why the Belgian Beer Weekend goes for over a week. I have been to a few beer festivals in my life; mostly they are quite chaotic affairs. This was remarkably civilised and well organised.

The Academy of Slimmer Living? I can't think of another country a cigarette company could get away with that... plus they are all skinny here anyway.

A great range of beers available including several I have never tried before but wanted to (Maredsous trippel.... oh my you are lovely) one I thought Ewa would especially enjoy (Malheur 12. so dark, so sweet, so 12% alcohol!).

I forgot the princess is not a beer nerd and so would not immediately know that a Something 12 was going to be insanely high in alcohol but would be well disguised.

Sadly my previous experience of Beer Festivals caused me to make an awful mistake. Usually I get all excited at the first stall and don't check all options before using all my tokens up and no longer being in a state to appreciate a beer I haven't tried.

High alcohol beer leads to Meat Fest!

So when I saw that Brasserie d'Achouffe had a stall and they had the Christmas special beer N'Ice Chouffe (which I really wanted to try even though it is a winter beer) I held off and continued checking the options.

Japanese drinking culture is spookily civilised

Oddly there was another stall at the end of the trek that also had Brasserie d'Achouffe beers. But not the christmas special. I went back to where I had seen my intended.

We saw one glass get broken. And we were given glasses, not plastic tumblers.

It was gone and the stall claimed to be for Winterkoninkske Grand Cru. I looked everywhere and it was not to be found. Even the place selling take home bottles didn't have it.

Two places had a queue. The glass rinsing station.

And the Belgian chips with Mayonnaise stand. This should have been obvious as the Japanese do like mayo a lot.

They were good chips and well worth waiting for

I think I will give up on being sensible and learning from my mistakes.

2015-04-28: Drug Addled Ramblings

More painkillers mean more interesting observations. One of the little jokes in Futurama which I always liked was "Kyoto; the anagram lovers Tokyo".

Not Tokyo

I have realised that it is only a valid anagram in simplified English as they are actually spelt Kyōto and Tōkyō in romaji.

Not Tokyo

Stupid learning, always ruins stuff.

Not Tokyo

I can't figure out the status of anagrams and puns in Japanese. One the one hand I have been told that they are not even noticed half the time as they occur so frequently by accident that no one really pays attention.

Krakow, Not Australia

On the other hand I have read translated writing of fancy people writings in Japanese which have specific notes such as (Here he is making a joke because the characters for this and that look very similar).

Train in Slovakia, Not Australia

Then I get confused by things which translate just weird. Nichi Yoobi means SunDay. And in the same way as in English it is the day of the sun Nichi means Sun. But the word for day is the same word (which kind of makes sense as 5 days can be called 5 suns). But that means that Nichi Yoobi translates as Day Day.

Białystok, Not Australia

Almost as bad for my poor brain as the Polish for East Wschód which also means rising. Which means the Polish for "Where does the sun rise?" is answered with "In the place where the sun rises".

Shin-Sakaemachi, not Australia

And the even more fun part of these thoughts is that when I try to speak to native speakers about it I just confuse everyone.

Sakae, not Australia

I was trying to figure out Age Dori (which I think is how you spell the fried chicken at the convenience stores here) and I figured Kara Age (a different fried chicken) probably means fried chicken and that Dori is the name for street.

Chikusa, not Australia (and just don't do it people)

Therefore it is maybe the type of chicken that was traditionally sold or eaten on the street. However talking to our Japanese teacher she said no and then managed to say Kara Age means fried just like Ebi Fry and I realised she didn't notice that Kara, Age & Fry sound nothing like the same and I was not following at all.

Somewhere in Japan, not Australia

 

Of course the fact that I often pick words up and am understood only through context (unlike the Brains of the Operation who actually studies) doesn't help me in these sidetracks and distractions.

Kasugai, not Australia

2015-04-27: Stupid Science

Still in quite a bit of pain from the rib from the other day and the weekend training didn't help that. I bought what looked like heating capsules from the chemist and applied them last night. They did nothing. I couldn't even pop them.

Looks perfect to me

I may have been under the influence of other pain killers when I bought them. I skipped Japanese class to stay in bed but Ewa took the package of heat capsules to ask the teacher what I was supposed to do with them.

Balinese for dinner. Bloody horrible music. Nice fish, I even ate some.

They are magnets. No wonder they don't bloody well work. If fewer people would believe these garbage ideas I wouldn't have to learn to speak Japanese better because the products would not be available.

Was not sure when the Princess would stop. She has nimble teeth.

2015-04-26: l'artistes

The Budokan in Kyoto (map ref)  is the oldest extant building built specifically for martial arts training in Japan (or so the sign says).

On the walk down there this morning a load of Jodo (stick fighting) students went past in a very efficient manner. They were having a seminar in the main hall.

No pointy bits, don't want to learn

Out the back there is a Kyudo (archery) range. Ewa is still debating whether we take up Kyudo or not. The technique looks useful for Yabusame (horseback archery) but the focus seems to be a lot more on the breathing and bowing than the hitting of the target. This could be a little annoying as we are results driven people most of the time.

Pointy bits. Probably want to learn

There is no charge for entry and apparently something is happening almost every day so if you are interested in seeing some pretty good skills being displayed in some pretty environments it is well worth a visit. There is a shrine across the road if that is your thing too.

3 foreigners, 3 men, 40 ladies over 65 out of 100 participants. Odds are skewed in the old ladies favour so we did as they requested.

Dynamic footwork with pointy and slicey bits

The sweatiest one is training the hardest.

Just down the road is Tozandos. A shop that sells martial arts equipment. They have replica armour. I want some of this. I know some guys that do the re-enactment battles. I shall have to try and wangle a way into their good graces.

Might get a cheaper one if I am going to play in the dirt though.

2015-04-25: Kyoto, Traditions & Bad Tourists

I am in the seminar all day. Ewa can indulge in sightseeing. Kyoto is one of the more popular tourist destinations in Japan and has thousand of shrines, temples and so on. It also has lots of white people. Nagoya has set baselines which confuse us elsewhere. We are used to seeing the occasional white person but only a couple a day really.

Backyard of hotel.

I kind of like all the white people as they make me feel in good shape by comparison. In Nagoya I feel like a blundering fat bastard most of the time.

They keep the good rocks under cover out of the weather

Unfortunately another baseline has been set. We have seen some pretty great shrines and without any knowledge of the places or history they all look rather similar. Sort of like churches in Europe. After a couple all I ever end up doing is looking for silly things.

To be honest I am actually looking for silly things pretty much constantly.

So Ewa's grand tour of Kyoto was a couple of hundred metre stroll followed by a day studying her Japanese in the hotel. I guess studying Japanese in a tatami mat room is kind of cultural and cool though.

I spent ages watching these to see if someone would park their car in one of the lifts but they all refused to. 3/10

Food & Beverage Review: Game & Veges Izakaya

map ref
Next door to the hotel which is handy as I was knackered. All the tables have a central fire pit and lots of the dishes are cooked over the fire.

Piggy

The food is mostly wild game, especially Boar. We had a couple of the Boar dishes and they were good. However there was an interesting looking vege thing where you could choose the veges you wanted. We have been lacking in veges recently so ordered all of them. Due to our skills at pointing we got two dishes of veges. A plate of various grilled veges which was nice. Grilled spring onions are excellent.

And a little fire with a leaf covered in miso paste with mushrooms and spring onions. This was weird. The paste was kind of sweet and as it heated up it got stronger and stronger in flavour. You stirred it all up so the mushroom cooked in the paste. I think some people would really like it. I imagine I could come to really like it. But today I have done enough learning.

Rating: 6.5/10 (I think on a busy night in winter this place would be great for ambience)

2015-04-24: Tradition! Style! Dedication!

Kyoto! It is Right Over There!

We learned today that only the most dedicated of people can drink more than 2 beers on the train to Kyoto from Nagoya. It's a damn good thing I am dedicated or Ewa would have had to waste half of her second beer.

Apparently dedication for pointing is a feature of the shinkansen. Someone with gloves does this every time. I dig it and usually wait to watch.

This weekend is a naginata seminar for 4th and 5th dan people (otherwise known as Wanting to be fancy or Resting on their laurels). Naginata in Japan falls under the auspices of the Kendo renmei.
I am told that naginata only goes to 5th dan because the blokes in kendo figured chicks could never really get any higher. Probably that was a joke. Probably I should never mention that joke around any of my sensei as they are significantly female and significantly better than me.
They might want to illustrate that the naginata response was "we can only have five? fine we'll just make them each twice as hard"
In retrospect that was a hilarious as nowadays when a kendo person faces a naginata person of the same numerical grade they invariably get their arses handed to them on a plate. So I guess 10 minutes of funny for the kendo guys making the decision and a lifetime of funny for the naginata people using it. Seems fair.

Kyoto has a tower too. Nagoya is pissed and just added random lightning bolts to theirs.

All of the above is hearsay and there is no way in the world a dedicated follower of budo would giggle deliriously after completely trouncing a confident fellow treader of the path. Sometimes the stories I am told are hard to believe! Of course I am not so dedicated and so I do giggle. One of the super fancy jukendo guys said the only other weapon they have trouble fighting is naginata, I giggled then too. But in a dignified manner, because I had a shirt with a collar.

Kyoto has innocent rabbits that reflect light instead of Nagoya's cynical winking frogs. I am sticking with Nagoya on this one. The watchmen guy was totally cool about me wandering into traffic to take a picture which was cool but I reckon Nagoya guys would have done the same.

Anyhoo. Naginata, Kyoto, Budokan, Seminar in Zen Nichi. Zen Nichi is the kata which the Americans eventually allowed the Japanese to do after war. It is kind of a blend of the old schools. It is super important you are good at this if you want to get 5th dan or one of the teaching grades. Mostly, for me, I just want to be good at it because it has lots of stuff which works well in competition. I am told I will grow out of this. I am told I will grow out of lots of things. I guess it could happen, it's not like I am fighting the maturity thing.

Just because I took about 600 photos of the fire wardens practicing on the building next door doesn't mean I was hoping one would fall on their arse. I mean it would have been hilarious if one did. Especially the guy who looked all cocky and stuff. But I might have done it so I can show other fire wardens how to spray a hose.

Due to our superlative planning (turn up at station, ask for ticket) we had some time to kill.

Tourist Checklist: You Thought I Had Forgotten!

Ramen! Ramen is great. If you're not American. Americans had Cup of Noodles branded as Ramen and they thought it was crap until recently when they realised they were lied to and, somewhat typically, went too far the other way.

If your ramen doesn't have eggs you are probably going to be sad.

The rest of the world only met ramen as a japanese noodle soup and haven't lost their minds yet.
There are lots of varieties of ramen. Basically it is a stock (differentiator #1) poured over noodles (#2) with a flavour base added (#3) and then toppings (#4).
There is a great movie about Ramen called Tampopo. You should watch it. It teaches you about noodle soup and how to become your own person. Plus it has truckies slurping noodle soup.

Polish Princess: Wait you are saying that this is the one time I can lift the bowl off the table and just scarf away like a monster of eating? Me: I'm not saying you can I'm saying I think it is rude not too!

There is a specific ramen I like (negi miso) and there is a Nagoya specific ramen (can't remember) but it didn't matter as the menus were in japanese anyway. Each shop in Ramen Alley (Nagoya station, just down from the south shinkansen entrance) does a specific style. We ended up choosing based on smoking (they all approve), beer (they all have) and then seating. The one closest had free seats, we went there.

Never let it be said that Poland doesn't bring the love to the japanese traditions!

I forget which style it was. It was the furtherest back one because I wanted to look at all of them. It really doesn't matter. All of these shops are under the fiercest competition you can imagine and all make great noodle soup. Go there. Choose one based on your own preferences (the back ones have better air con) and eat some damn noodles.

Rating: Don't remember I think we are at 4/10 items checked off now.

2015-04-23: Information Prevents Poor Decisions

So they claim anyway. We went to Naginata. We got information along the way.

Earthquake? Fire? Martial Uprising? Get Your Arse Out Of Here! We do tsunamis! Oh and defibrillation. Mostly the last one is for fun though. Who doesn't need a jolt to get out of bed on occasion.

The Dojo is a tsunami disaster relief area. I am not sure if the Japanese skill at translating a situation into pictogram form has left them here or simply that the only people that need an emergency centre are retarded people that play in the tsunami when there is a perfectly good high rise nearby.

I don't know if this is measured at the top of the station or in the depths. I guess it doesn't matter much.

Then I noticed that the subway station is not the best place to be in a tsunami. It is a half hour walk to the dojo from the station so I am not sure we would avail ourselves of the hospitality.

I choose to walk cool on the escalator anyway. I am a Rebel and have an image to maintain.

Then again the subway station is not a fan of Madness so I am not sure I want to survive in a suburb that bans Ska music. Or maybe I do! I could be like a chubby Kevin Bacon and dance my way to freedom. Then I would kiss the pretty girl. Fortunately I brought one with me so that bit is covered.

You have to plan for emergencies after all.