2015-07-18: Car Culture

We have noticed that Californians love their cars. Public transport not so much. I did a google maps check for how to get to training the other day and it was an hour by car. Walking was 3.5 hours.
Public transport was 3.75 hrs. Public transport was longer than walking there!

Stupid EPA making me put stickers of flames on instead of the real thing

After last nights fun with the cab driver I got annoyed and installed Uber on my phone. Cab drivers are starting to really annoy me here. They are just like the ones in Sydney. They seem to be constantly trying to scam you. Last night the guy got lost and then his card reader didn't work meaning an 0200 stop at an atm and general hassle. In Sydney not a lot you can do about it. Here Uber is widespread and popular.

I so hope that the state which put Schwarzenegger into power actually had a Krom senator. I want to believe it so much I won't even google it to check.

In the back of my mind I always wonder what scam cabbies are trying to pull and who it is going to affect when they do their annoying things.
Uber on the other hand, based on one ride, is fast and easy. No payment issues, no direction issues "because I don't trust GPS" and so on.

At the dojo.

Plus it is their own car and Californians love their cars so it was in good condition, had usb chargers, water etc.
Even if our huge bag of armour and sticks gave him a bit of a scare at first.
I can see why cabbies the world around are scared of Uber et al. Even if I might not be completely comfortable with the whole setup as it currently is.

We trained with some more locals and did a wee demo of jukendo. There is quite a bit of enthusiasm for jukendo here. Including current and ex marines.
I suspect I may have just added another countries military to the list of people that get to poke me with a stick.

2015-07-17: Casual Cultures

I grew up in a semi rural type environment. We weren't country kids by a long stretch but neither were we city kids. We knew what happened to the testicles of sheep and such without having to actually partake in the exercises.

The are two Almeda drives in Los Angeles. This one has few sandwich places but many trucks and refineries. The sign made me feel better about the extended travel time.

As such the word Dip has specific connotations to me. It is a liquid you throw sheep into which stops something from happening to somewhere on the sheep. Probably to do with bums or poo. Most farming stuff is preoccupied with bums and poo even more than I. And I only have the weird fascination because it is funny. Farmers care deeply about poo and can have long conversations about it rather than the one liners I might chortle out.

I think French Farmers wear those flat caps. They only sell souvenir T shirts though.

Maybe that is why Phillippe's Original French Dip succeeds here? No sheep disinfectant connotations (mapref and http://www.philippes.com/) . I assume any connotations I have regarding The French are shared by Americans and therefore not part of the success / failure equation.

Floor has sawdust all over it. Sandwiches are juicy. Juicy is American code for lots of liquids come out and has no real direct reflection on the state of the meat. Double Dipped means the bread is dunked quite thoroughly. It is not a secret menu.

A French Dip sandwich is some slowly braised meat sliced and put on a bun which has been dipped in the braising liquid. We are learning how to order food here; just because I get excited and want to try everything doesn't mean I should order everything. Instead we should choose the likely candidates and apportion them amongst our motley crue then share.

It is just meat and juice on a roll so sides of coleslaw or potato salad are wise for flavour purposes. Purple egg is just pretty.

This spreading of eating duties means there are varying opinions regarding which is the best of the items selected. Beef got a vote but the correct answer is that the Lamb is the best. Their mustard is pretty good too, they are proud of it, make it themselves and it is a slightly milder than Hot English mustard blend which works well.

German dipped sandwich places would not stand for this kind of anarchy.

Places Review: Venice Beach.

The Italians as a stereotype have less connotations to me than The French. This is probably because I don't know many Italians. In movies the males are usually kind of ineffectively seductive. They often wear nice suits. Although I wouldn't really know a nice suit to look at it doesn't really matter. I assume that Italians at the beach don't wear suits.

Successfully seductive, probably not Italian

Not that I care too much about the Italians. I am here for some different stereotypes. Venice beach featured in Tony Hawk II and I used to quite like the level. I have no idea if it is real or where it is if it does exist. I assume I will hear it if we get close. Recognising the sound of skate wheels is something no skater ever loses.

I was the hugest guy in the photo, I did not expect this

Venice beach also is home to a gym at the beach where lots of huge guys work out. I am really sure this exists as I have seen it in media other than Tony Hawk video games. Schwarzenegger used to work out there occasionally.

She was cool

Weird people also love Venice beach. I know this from the Fletch movies. I think they might have all been undercover cops pretending to be weird but I am not picky with my weird. If it acts or looks weird it is good enough for me.

I assumed it was a Cosmetic Surgery place

Patients can shop here afterwards, certainly endowed.

Doctor may use slightly casual phrasing I suspect.

Oh yeah and Venice Beach people love marijuana. The rest of Los Angeles come here to get their medical notes saying they need it for their sore shoulders and such.

Rating: 1.1/3

0/1 - Did not find skate spot. Half arsed googling makes me wonder if it exists anymore

0.1/1 - Only one guy at the beach gym. He was impressive but couldn't swing it by himself

1/1 - Was plenty of weird, none of it threatening

No idea. View is of the highway. Looks pretty though.

Seeing as we were close to Santa Monica Beach which apparently has custom converse shoes we swung by.

Yes Timmy, we'll get you new shoes, right past the sneaker skull....

Unfortunately the custom shoes is now template based only and none of the templates were what Ewa was after. We had a few beers with Al who flies home tonight, met a local comic who was out with her boyfriend, shared a table and more beers, lost a credit card and grabbed a cab home feeling suitably multicultural and beachy.

2015-07-16: Carb Loading

I have to admit that iHop appeals to me in a weird way.
Sounds like a boxer that can't skip that well but tries anyway, and plus he is cool and down with the kids, that's why the I is lower case.
So pretty much me.

I rarely train in groups but this is quiet even for me

International House Of Pancakes doesn't appeal to me so much as a phrase. I am okay with the International bit but Houses and Pancakes sound so Old Economy.

If you get into a fight with Ewa you may get into a pickle. So that makes sense.

Houses always go up in value (something Australia largely still believes) and Truck Drivers will always have a job (and therefore, in my mind, eat pancakes) both seem exceedingly unlikely truisms for the future we are wending our way towards.
Maybe iHop can start making the robot pancake.

Chicken fried steak, hash browns, pancakes and gravy is my way of letting The Man know I don't subscribe to his idea of time zones and what should be done in oyur local one.

I doubt I would like that pancake. I will not be buying shares in iHop.
In the future of No work for No one I suspect martial arts will become more popular. If I can find a company that sells beer and has a dojo I will buy shares.

It's like a little line of guns of syrups. The blueberry one was surprisingly tolerable.

Although I do have a small amount of experience in drinking beer, will be trying to pass a martial arts grading which arguably makes me sensei and am fully cognisant that currently my particular skills at producing work are about 50% reproducible by robot.

Future Shareholders

The other 50% is sarcasm and cynicism and if all the programmers are replaced by robots I don't know how useful those skills would be.
So perhaps I should start a new business; The Shaolin Temple 2.0
It's a working title. I won't be hiring marketing people to come up with a better name. I might hire a marketing robot. Especially if it can make pancakes.

This expression means "I do doubt your sanity at times"

2015-07-15: Practicalities Must Be Addressed

As evinced by our romp through The Happiest Place On Earth we have dirty minds. We also have dirty clothes because we had a vague idea that clothes were cheap in the US and we could buy throwaway type clothes when we arrived. We've been here a month and we must really get around to implementing this idea.

Dumpling Chain, has some michelin stars at one of it's places.

Ewa is probably better at, and certainly enjoys more, doing the laundry than shopping but I feel guilty now that most of my normal domestic duties are relatively tricky to perform (I make fire, make food).
I have been informed that we can go shopping in a suburb called Commerce. I am a Weak (and Susceptible) Man and am hoping that Ewa will display the same malleable brain state.

Superb Sauce gives power and vitality.

If so we might actually buy more clothes than a token amount intended simply to get us a plastic bag of I Am A Consumer camouflage.

I think of it like Orange. Which was named first? The colour or the fruit.

I read a book about supermarket / shopping mall design once. Actually I read a few of them. Given the unusual subject matter I probably read all of the books that exist on this topic.

Does look weirdly similar to car parks in my hometown which could be considered a village in many ways.

One of the recurring themes was that the American Shopping Malls of The Dawn Of The Dead mindset were on the way out and the new thing was an artificial village. Given my prior experience of shopping malls (not much), proven root in reality (not much) and sobriety (not much) when reading the books I had, shall we say, a slightly inaccurate mental image of these artificial villages.

Not as similar to my hometown.

We did buy quite a bit of stuff. This could be because

1. We were practical regarding our requirements
2. We succumbed to the influence of the design
3. They forced us to. Every time I went to the cashier he mentioned that if I selected one more shirt I would pay less than I would pay currently.

I still do not understand how a t shirt can be manufactured half a world away, shipped here, displayed and sold for $5 and still make a profit. We feel a bit dirty.

A roll of cleanup paper at the beginning of a meal is a strong statement

If our minds are dirty and our souls are soiled then it makes sense to filthy up our physical aspect as well.

Bibs also a strong statement, fashion wise as well.

James, an old co worker and our current host, has a go to place for when he has visitors from foreign climes. He has a bunch of people visiting over the next few months and we are going to do a sanity check on the place.

Waiter for scale

In theory they do a great seafood boil. In theory this is a giant bag of seafood, sausage, spuds and spices. In theory I am able to eat seafood now.

Ewa thought these only had food in the front claws like a crab and had no fear of food at this point.

In practice all these things are true for varying degrees of true. It is a great seafood boil. It is a giant bag. The volume of seafood is slightly larger than expected due to James egging us on to grabbing an extra crayfish and extra sausage.

All 3 types of dirty achieved

I can eat seafood now. But not that much. Ewa made a majestic effort and we finished creditably.

I made a tidy and alphabetical stack of carcases. James and Al do not suffer from obsessive tendencies as much

In practice James can now easily wait for the incoming visitors knowing full well that after they eat this they will quietly go and snooze somewhere.

Contemplating the revenge he will wreak on the visitors.

The Kickin' Crab is a franchise, http://www.thekickincrab.com/locations.htm, it has cajun spice mixes and is really good. Don't order extra lobster _and_ extra sausage if only sharing between two people.

2015-07-14: Disneyland

Probably there are some places we shouldn't be allowed to go. Certainly there are frames of mind we get into which get called childish but really should be times we are kept segregated from children.
Well I assume that is what the parents would say anyway. My experience with children indicates that they are likely to join in and probably egg us on.

Nemo ride is clever, they do really trick your eyes into believing you are diving in a sub exceptionally well. Probably the most impressive trick they did all day.

It doesn't take much to egg us on though, normally just the appreciative giggles from each other spurs us on to further outrages of common decency.

Canoe paddling had a short queue and was one of the more fun activities

The behaviour of Disney cartoonists over the years means Disneyland is probably a place that, deep in its underbelly, is appreciative of our childish behaviour so today we will go there.

Toon town is colourful. But also I know about the Who framed Roger Rabbit naughty things and that did not get me into a grown up frame of mind.

For some reason the GPS in the rental managed to lead us a little astray. We figured that putting Disneyland into search and selecting the entry "Disneyland - Tourist Attraction, Anaheim California" would probably get us there.

The canoe paddling guides are actually quite funny as well.

Not sure how The Beatles feel about this. Maybe Disneyland has better lawyers than Apple does.

Instead we wound up close to Disneyland but not close enough that there was any faint hint of anything which was Disney oriented. Not even Disneyland Dry Cleaning (we passed that on the way to where the GPS figured we wanted to be).

Light guns have little in the way of recoil. Probably varmints in the ceiling.

Better than the stupid Hollywood sign. No photoshop required.

We have also decided that the GPS has another issue. Or we have decided We have an issue. Or something. There is definitely an issue with something. Occasionally, and only occasionally, we all swear that the GPS voice says Turn Left when the screen clearly indicates that we should turn right.

I have a photo of the camera taking the picture of me taking a picture.

Ewa is getting into roller coasters with a worrying amount of excitement. The roller coaster in the dark is actual an awesome idea.

It is almost impossible for us to believe it is an accent thing but the idea that they have several different audio files for Turn Right is equally unlikely. The only explanation we can thing of is that the programmers have screwed up somehow. This fits our preconceptions with the world so we are happy with it.

I can see blue things.

I can see blue Chipmunk houses

When I say that the GPS Clearly indicates we should turn right during these escapades there is a slight caveat. Lots of the time I pay attention to the GPS so I can give Al more information than the voice we no longer trust gives him. We discovered that the GPS highlights the route to be followed in a colour I can't see. This was an amusing discovery and explained some of the vagueness in my instructions regarding the GPS over the past days.

We didn't ride the teacups but probably should have.

The queue was long enough for us to wonder if the geological nature of the ride was a hint

We have discovered that switching to night mode means I can sometimes make out the highlighted route. We cannot find the option for changing the colour of the highlight for the route. We blame this on the programmers as well and have applied all 3 of our distinct sets of skills to the problem both individually and combined.

Indiana Jones ride is colourful

And the trucks have a really unique movement. Good ride. No GPS in the trucks fortunately.

Getting more excited every time

After turning the GPS off and using our favourite navigation method Dirk Gently's: Follow someone that looks like they know where they are going, there'll be something good we made it to the Minnie Mouse carpark and caught the Train Of Excited Children to the gates of The Happiest Place On Earth.

Seems shoe horned in.

The Happiest Place On Earth features queues. Queues tend not to make people happy. Jumping queues makes people even happier than there not being a queue. Disneyland has applied it's best and brightest to coming up with a scheme that keeps everyone happy. Happier anyway.

First Horsies in Ages. We were far and away the oldest, least pink and least tutu wearing of the queue.

We also did not cuddle the horsies the most, I think we were third most cuddly.

Many of the more popular rides have queue jumping tickets. You can go to the ride and grab one which, about 2 hours later, le's you almost straight onto the ride. Programmers being the people we assume they are there are a few bugs in the system, some rides have longer queue jumping wait times than others, some queue jumping tickets mean you can't get another one.

Acclaimed as The Best Corn Dogs in The World on many sites. No queue jumping tickets available.

In the same way people get pleasure from jumping the queue some people get pleasure attempting to work out the optimal system for obtaining these tickets. We found a web site with advice on optimising your queue jumping tickets which we sort of followed. Interestingly, and something I applaud, you apparently cannot just buy your way into faster ride access. Even the over the top pricing of the personal guide only gets you someone that knows the rules for optimising your experience really well. The disabled / wheelchair person is a known way of beating the system but Ewa insists she is enjoying walking at the moment.

I suspect we are not the aficionados of corn dogs we would need to be to appreciate my queue planning skills

Traveling Advice: Disneyland

One piece of advice the site didn't have was the Single Rider advice. Lots of the rides have a queue for single riders, they use this queue to fill logs, boats, cars and coasters with empty spots caused by groups of people.

I suspect this was roughly when the sun and queues reduced our Grown Up Tendencies below our Puerile Preoccupations

A lot of these rides are ones which don't even have side by side seating. The Single Rider queues are often a couple of minutes when the normal queue is over half an hour.

Rating: 9/10 (We were very proud of ourselves for working this out)

Disney and Mickey, childhood dream achieved

The website had the advice that around about mid afternoon you ought to just retire to your hotel and have a snooze as the queues and tickets would be almost unusable for any practical sense. We didn't follow this advice as it was probably from a programmer and also we didn't have a hotel.

You have to stand on Alastair's crouched back to get the angle right for Mickey's nose to come out of Disney's fly. But it is worth it, childish humour achieved

At around mid afternoon we did run out of queue jumping tickets to use and joined a queue that lasted about an hour for a wild west roller coaster.
I am going to claim the sun got to us and we started making our own fun. This is a lie as we had been childish and puerile the whole day but at least it is a form of defence our behaviour.

This cannot even faintly be our fault