Jukendo: Kamae and Naorei (銃剣道: 基本)

If you have done any of the more common weapons based martial arts you will have been told how important bowing is. Generally speaking you can usually tell how good someone you have never met is just by watching them bow before they fight you.
Jukendo is a little different. Bowing and showing respect is still important of course. But taking kamae is way more important, respect is shown through being ready to kill your opponent.

Kamae

• From the attention stance, feet at 45 degrees, back straight, eyes on the opponent
• Mokuju butt is about 45 degrees from your right foot middle toe and maybe  5cm away
• Mokuju is parallel to your body's core, no leaning it towards you etc.
• Left foot goes forward and at the the same time the right hand swings the mokuju up to the left hand which has moved forward to where it will remain
• Hands should be touching or close to touching.
• Mentally yell Ichi while doing this
• Your jikutei (power hand) changes from the right hand to the left hand (i.e. hold the damn gun still)
• Your right hand now slides back to your right hip bone and one finger on the trigger.
• Mentally yell Ni while doing this
• Jikutei switches back to the right hand

Naorei

• Jikutei switches to left hand
• Right hand slides up to touch the left.
• Body doesn't move (much)
• Mokuju doesn't move (at all)
• Mentally yell ichi (or have a sensei yell it at you)
• Right foot comes forward
• Right hand becomes jikutei
• Mokuju butt returns to the ground 45 degrees and 4 cm from where your foot is.

Important Thoughts

• Ich! Ni! are the two movements. This is not a graceful slow dance. You are taking your fighting stance.
• No wobbles, once the kensen is pointed at the opponent's eyes it stays there (otherwise she might get ideas about running over and poking you)
• To go into kamae think of swinging the mokuju into the baseball glove of your left hand
• Don't step backwards. Ever I think. Military don't retreat is the way I remember.
• Usually we will do this for 5 minutes every training session. I assume this means we suck and it is important.
• If you have to yell kamae or naorei you better bloody well yell it. The intonation is down: KAMae! NAORei! this is taken quite seriously as well. We take turns yelling it for each other and hoping the person yelling sucks so bad with intonation that our crappy kamae won't be noticed.
• If you are yelling then you may as well yell ich and ni as well.

What I Did Wrong

• My hanmi is shit, Shoulders are almost okay, hips are open and head is not facing forward.
• My front elbow is shit, my heart is completely open. Partly because my hanmei is shit but also to compensate for that I am doing weird stuff with my left elbow and ending up leaving my heart completely open.
• The mokuju wobbles like crazy when I got to kamae the first time
• My naorei looked like the most casual half arsed person ever
• Side on I actually think I looked okay... this will go to my head and I will get over confident and then I will be embarrassed later.
• 
  

Jukendo Kata: Mokuju vs Mokuju #4 (銃剣道 形)

• Shi takes geidan, Uchi remains in chudan
• This geidan is aimed at the front knee of Uchi (unlike the last one which is at the back knee)
• Shi takes 3 steps
• Uchi takes 2.5
• Should be at tomai about 10 cm space between mokuju
• Shi applies seme to shita, small step,swing the mokuju at the kidney ish.
• Should now be close to issoku ito no mai
• As shi applies pressure uchi reacts with a larg-ish covering over the top of the mokuju
• Shi sees the opportunity of nodo due to the movement of Uchi's mokuju to cover his front knee / kidney.
• Shi removes pressure from under uchis blade
• Shi strikes nodo (throat) this comes from uchis right side. It is still "straight". Try not to step around the mokuju.
• Zanshin starts with a large step back by Shi, mokuju should clear each other by about 5cm but I think less is okay here as the throat is further away than the heart.
• Zanshin is completed with a covering of Uchi's front kote
• Uchi starts moving back to issoku  in chudan and Shi follows
• Steps will be required to return to centre, performed by both (this one tends to have more distance to fix)
• Both lower the mokuju to Geidan (opponents back knee)
• Both do 5 small steps back to the starting spot
• Return to chudan  

Important points:

• The opening position is 9 normal steps apart. This means all steps in the kata are all tiny. Pace it out and check.
• As Shi takes geidan Uchi raises kamae a tiny bit. This is to make Shita open already, this might be all of half a centimetre at the tip of the mokuju.
• Shi doesn't use elbows to apply seme, It is almost a swing of the two arms together.
• In a perfect world I think that all of the attacks and counter attacks in all the kata should be performed with timing, speed and technique very similar to shiai. This is a notable difference in my experience to kata in other arts featuring shiai.

What we did wrong (an incomplete list):

• Almost everything mentioned previously (these are from the same series so we do the same dumb stuff for the common elements)
• Ewa's back elbow is bent in to her body. The back elbow should be in the plane it is going to move in. Otherwise you waste time striking.
• I have no idea what my waving the mokuju around as she took geidan was meant to be. Do not do this.
• Ewa missed Nodo and looks to have hit do mune instead.
• My lord that return to chudan by each of us at the end was awful. In this series we have no synchronisation but that was truly awful.
• The one time we managed to be synchronised was when we both leaned forward before walking back. We did it the same amount and at the same time. Pretty impressive. Do Not Lean Forward Before Walking Back.

Jukendo Kata: Mokuju vs Mokuju #3 (銃剣道 形)

• Uchi takes geidan, Shi remains in chudan
• Shi takes 3 steps
• Uchi takes 2.5
• Should be at tomai about 10 cm space between mokuju
• Shi applies seme to omote, small step, slight lowering of centre of gravity
• Should now be close to issoku ito no mai
• As shi applies pressure uchi reacts with a larg-ish covering of omote
• Shi sees the opportunity opening under the armpit of uchi
• Shi removes pressure from uchis blade
• Uchi continues the block movement mostly by straightening the front arm
• Shi strikes shita (underneath) this comes from uchis left side and under the arm. It is still "straight"
• Zanshin starts with a large step back by Shi, mokuju should clear each other by about 5cm
• Zanshin is completed with a covering of Uchi's front kote
• Uchi starts moving back to issoku  in chudan and Shi follows 
• Steps will be required to return to centre, performed by both (normally 3 tiny steps)
• Both lower the mokuju to Geidan
• Both do 5 small steps back to the starting spot
• Return to chudan  

Important points:

• 2.5 steps is 2 normal size steps followed by a half size step, do not just break the distance down into 3 even size steps.
• Shi doesn't make a big drop under the mokuju, the strike should be basically the same as a strike to omote, it just happens to be swept off course a bit by uchi. Maybe a centimetre off course.
• Uchi making the covering movement opens shita. This done with an almost scooping movement of both hands for the initial block, imagine moving the mokuju like you were a forklifter.
• As Shi removes pressure Uchi extends the front arm on about a 45 degree angle to open Shita properly. 
• Shi must remember (and Uchi too but mostly a Shi problem in our experience) that the mokuju has a lower viewpoint than their own eyes and can therefore "see" a teeny tiny opening which Shi cannot see visually.
• In a perfect world I think that all of the blocks in the kata by Uchi don't actually contact Shi's weapon in an audible manner, more like Uchi reacts to the seme with a block which Shi has anticipated and so the block never occurs. It is a block against where Uchi thinks Shi is attacking. (TBH this is a concept I need to spend time checking when I am better at this stuff and I think it has a lot of the jukendo meaning of seme in it but will carry across to other stuff as well)

What we did wrong (an incomplete list):

• Almost everything mentioned previously (these are from the same series so we do the same dumb stuff for the common elements)
• Ewa reacts to my geidan, I don't think she is meant to
• My block is not a block, just a kind of acknowledgement of her coming in
• I don't use my back hand for the first bit of the block
• Ewa drop her mokuju way low after my first stage of the block
• Strike ends too far from me
• It looks like I am standing open, not in hanmi while receiving
• Ewa's zanshin step back is not far enough.

Jukendo Kata: Mokuju vs Mokuju #2 (銃剣道 形)

• Both sides start in chudan.
• Shi takes 3 steps
• Uchi takes 2.5
• Should be at tomai about 10 cm space between mokuju
• Shi applies seme to omote, small step, slight lowering of centre of gravity
• Should now be close to issoku ito no mai
• As shi applies pressure uchi reacts with a teeny tiny covering of omote
• This pushes shi's mokuju off centre as it slides down uchi's mokuju
• Shi maintains the straight and direct thrust but goes under uchi's mokuju and strikes ura
• Zanshin starts with a large step back by Shi, mokuju should clear each other by about 5cm
• Zanshin is completed with a covering of Uchi's front kote. 
• Uchi starts moving back to issoku  in chudan and Shi follows 
• Steps will be required to return to centre, performed by both (normally 3 tiny steps)
• Both lower the mokuju to Geidan
• Both do 5 small steps back to the starting spot
• Return to chudan 

Important points:

• 2.5 steps is 2 normal size steps followed by a half size step, do not just break the distance down into 3 even size steps.
• Shi doesn't make a big drop under the mokuju, the strike should be basically the same as a strike to omote, it just happens to be swept off course a bit by uchi. Maybe a centimetre off course.
• Uchi making the covering movement opens ura, the movement of the front hand covering only needs to be large enough to open ura and this is invariably less than what you think is needed

What we did wrong (an incomplete list):

• My covering was robotic and probably too big
• Ewa dropped her mokuju underneath mine rather than sliding it straight
• Ewa strike, kiai and feet are all separate, they should be at the same time
• Returning to chudan I make a big sweeping deal out of it using my front hand rather than back hand
• When dropping the point down we are out of time and different heights
• We both lean forward before moving backwards
• On the way back I am bouncing and Ewa's mokuju gets higher
• We return to chudan out of sync

2015-08-06: Failure so ummm Manhole covers?

I have long been a fan of the Daily Show and today is the last episode with Jon as host. I have also long been a fan of the continuous gag about Arby's being awful (and there be no reason for the gag).

And they didn't let up for the last episode.

Part of our checklist for America prior to arriving was to eat at Arbys. Actually I think it was the only thing on the checklist. We sort of had "Eat at Dennys" on there as well but that was only because I got confused between the two on arrival in Japan, ate at Dennys and then realised I didn't have to.

But Arbys ran ads getting in on the joke

Somehow it seems fitting to watch the show and eat Arbys. It is lazy and somehow achieves the entire actual checklist in a vaguely fanboi manner.

Which I thought was great, the entire show was quite the lovefest.

Apparently the world doesn't want me to do something that cool. According to google the nearest Arbys is 2 hrs away. According to Arbys it is an hour away. North Jersey doesn't seem to have an Arbys at all... maybe the Taylor Ham aficionados have drummed them out of town.

Weird thing is google maps doesn't show all the places the Arbys site does.

On this basis we shall watch the Daily Show, eat some boring thing and do nothing of interest today. Therefore I present to you

Manhole Covers North American Edition

The Wannabe Froggies brought no flair to the table

But Calgary went all out, this one even looks Japanese

New York went for bigger with more sparkly bits

The inner ring is the size of a normal manhole cover. I did not make jokes about fat Americans needing bigger holes.

Jukendo: Basic Exercises, Fumikomi #2 (銃剣道: 基本)

More foot slapping because it is fun.

I do this one a lot whenever I have spare time. Waiting for traffic lights etc. It makes me feel a bit like a grumpy lady. Grumpy Ladies don't tend to follow up with stabs to the heart though so I am not sure what passers by think.

5 examples of fumikoni. I would like to claim I did a variety of errors to show you. In truth I am just not that good yet.

1. Double slap, okay sound but slow like granny coming to say hi
2. Overbalanced, sounded good, back foot was quick but too close
3. Happy enough but back foot is slow
4. Not as good and back foot is slow
5. pee yeew ugly no slap at all

All things being equal this was just a quick thing without a mokuju so I am not too upset with my self except that in every single one I used naginata footwork to go backwards. Jukendo starts with the back foot and digs it in hard to get that speed and lateral motion without the bouncy.

Going backwards fast is really hard to learn. It is, I think, essential to good zanshin in jukendo as you have to remember the 40% power for strike / 60% for blade removal rule. That back foot moving first gives you the 60%, it is not arm strength, it is body strength.

2015-08-05: Idle hands and the Devil

David had mentioned Shopsin's the other day as a place that was quintessentially New York. Apparently some people claim the Soup Nazi is based on the chef / owner of Shopsins. He has a bunch of rules; no photos except of the food, the size of groups, how to order etc and a habit of kicking people out for breaking his rules. And an insane sprawling menu.
Lots of Yelp reviews mention the rules and lots of reviews say they were kicked out for "no reason at all", usually after saying they were doing one of the things that are explicitly forbidden like breaking a group up into smaller parties to get around the group size rule. I like Yelp, makes me laugh...

They were arguing loudly in the manner of Crazy Street People the world over. The topic of discussion was the Large Hadron Collidor which I thought gave them a unique take on Street Crazy.

We still don't really know what our travel times to places will be. Mostly because we can expect at least one "Ohhh Shiny" detour on most trips. So we tend to leave early. On the way in we saw a Poland Springs truck and by asking the Uber driver to try and get alongside (I want a good photo of one) we actually arrived earlier than no Ohhh Shiny moments would normally have gotten us there.

A shop called Beer and Smokes? Definitely an Oh Shiny moment. Decent range of beer.

Shopsin's is in the Essex Street Market. Markets are always Ohh Shiny moments for us. Essex Street Market is okay. Has some nice enough looking produce, decent range of cheese and a few interesting looking products I don't know how to cook with and so on.

I am thinking I should start trying mangos across the world, they almost always look subpar compared to what we had in Sydney. I could be wrong.

Given the nature of New York the market is unlikely to be a tourist destination and I didn't notice anything that I would suspect is hard to source from other markets in NY. Would probably be a regular for me if I lived nearby but catching a train here would be for some other reason.

I have so many of this photo in various markets I ought to make a gif. This one has less chaos and cleaner floors than many of our favourites.

Some of the bread looked particularly good however some New Yorker chefs have told me there is a large number of local bakers that take bread rabidly seriously and we have seen many examples of decent looking bread around the city. So I am not sure the bread would be enough to draw anyone from across the city. Plus Kossars Bagels & Białys is right around the corner and I expect their bread is going to be pretty popular.

We checked we knew where we going before rambling and the sign seemed to fit the reputation David had given us.

Across the road was another building using letters from Scandinavian languages incorrectly which appears to be a worldwide trend at the moment so I went to look at that and stumbled upon a true Ohhh Shiny.

Places Review: Economy Candy

mapref
http://www.economycandy.com/
Checklist places on our "hey we went somewhere cool we should have planned that!" list often have something interestingly "wrong" with them. I can't think of the word "Economy"ever passing the marketing board for a food company nowadays. Apparently in New York they were poor enough once that Candy had to be cheap.

No babies in evidence.

In contrast to the order of the Essex St Market, Economy Candy has more similarity to the São Paulo fruit market in terms of profusion of colour and chaotic layout. Their website even classifies candy by colour rather than type.

The in store categorisation system is slightly less logical

The range is rather overwhelming. I have been to several lolly shops around the place, one of the better ones in my opinion is in Leura, Blue Mountains, Sydney. They have a big range. Takes maybe an hour to just look at each type of candy. It is reasonably orderly though.

I wonder just what the shelf life for gum is.

This place I can't see anyone being able to look at each variety of candy in less than a couple days. The range and the chaos is just too much.

Mental conversion of pounds to kilos almost led to an excessive surplus. Stupid imperial system.

We bought some. In theory we bought the candy to take back to the kiddies at the dojo in Japan. In practice of course I will probably get drunk and turn into the Candy Monster.

Kiddies probably don't even like bacon candy or tabasco candy

It is only stealing from babies if the babies know it is their candy, I shan't tell them should I steal the candy and thereby avoid doing the devils work (semantically anyway).

Rating: 9.5/10 (Just to leave scope for a theoretical better candy store)

David was a little later than the planned meeting time and so he didn't know we were also late due to our candy sidetrack. Cunning of us! We look like Good People and he wallows in guilt through a simple non disclosure of information. Mostly I figure jewish guilt is kind of like catholic guilt. I have a bit of a handle on catholic guilt so it is all I can work from.

Food And Beverage Review: Shopsins

http://shopsins.com/

Shopsins is kind of Japanese in terms of size. I figure they could seat on the order of 15 people. A documentary was made about either Kenny (the owner / chef) or the place, I haven't seen it. David said his mother used to come here regularly and would mutually argue with Kenny constantly. I am going to claim he used the word Kvetch but that could be me projecting. David (and his mother obviously) are jewish. I know a little about jewish culture but most of it is from MAD magazine in the 70's and 80's. MAD magazine certainly used the word kvetch a lot.

Sweet corn fritters are different to NZ style. These are better, we never had Chipotle sauce growing up and we certainly didn't have squeeze bottles of varying chilli levels.

Kenny on the other hand I think is something I know well. He is a cook (he may also be jewish, I don't know, Cook is a more specific an ethnic group than Jewish though). He is A Good Cook. He is not a chef, he cooks food people like. He is also aware that if you don't like it you have a bunch of other options.
There is the abusive yelling, some feels almost like Customer Expectation Fulfilment and some feels genuine. From my perspective it is just the normal back of house yelling screaming and ranting taken into the front of house. Certainly I think he swears about the same as me so I didn't find that so weird. He also has the same opinions as me regarding people taking other peoples tools. He made this well known when one cook used another cooks pan or something. There was truth in that yelling. Most of the rest was just normal kitchen style abuse of people, things, abstract concepts etc.

Ewa saw bread. It looked like good bread so she went for a sandwich. She was happy.

The menu is, in chef terms, a rambling mess. Apparently it is just stuff he has cooked and thought was good so chucked it on the menu, there is no corporate planning or profit maximisation and there is definitely no "Story of discovery the chef wishes to take you along". It also includes random photos or people and what I think was Malcolm McDowell from Clockwork Orange wearing a baseball cap.

David is a regular. A foolish regular. He tries new things. I think they buy outsize basil leaves to make this deep fried baby look smaller on the plate.

As it was a bit quiet Kenny came out to talk to David and, by association, us. At first he and I disagreed mildly on a few concepts (largely about how people learn to cook). Then, to my way of thinking, he came round to my side. That was when I decided he is, like me, someone willing to argue any point from any perspective. I like to think arguing from perspectives I may not hold makes me a seeker of knowledge therefore I have to grant him the same laurels.

I am smart. If you eat too many corn fritters anything that comes in easily Give Away portions is good. Especially when the other two are at the beginning of their food and don't realise I can refuse their offers later.

Some of his other regulars heard we live in Japan and we gave them some advice about things to do, frantically trying to remember any trip we did which wasn't focussed on a dojo somewhere. Kenny mentioned his daughter lives in Japan and she made a book. My lord did she make a book! He made mildly disparaging comments about his daughter and then presented the book she made.

Would you like to see the absolute worst Amazon placement ever of a product? Look here it is far and away the worst fucking amazon page I have seen for an awesome book. If you know anyone even remotely on the aspergers, clever or comedy scale this is a fucking awesome damn book. Even this site is crap. Each page has two pictures related somehow (shape, number, colour etc) the next 2 page spread continues from the previous last page. It is fucking hilarious and, if you are smart, it makes you feel good seeing the connections. If you don't like this book you are a moron and not seeing the beauty in the world around you. They say it is for 5 year olds and up. I am considering placing a bulk order once our current "things we give away to people that train with us" supply runs low.

I honestly think it is one of the funniest things I have read in ages and it has no words, it is all pattern recognition and association photos. I am pretty sure he is also exceedingly proud of that book made by his daughter and the disparagement was a cultural thing.
I am more than willing to admit that without his presence and tacit I'm-not-calling-it-approval-just-not-hating-us the place is probably not as great as we found it.
But then I read the rules on the menu and tried not to break them which probably helps a lot too. Fucking idiot Yelp people. Pretty sure Kenny would agree.

Rating: 9/10 (would go to 10 if I lived nearby and the Essex market was better as it would be an entire days fun).

I can't remember if Shopsins sell beer but we wandered off very full of food to find beer. It could have been to clear tables for higher profit customers or because they don't sell beer. Probably they don't sell beer as I can make a beer only table super profitable, even in Japan.
We found a place.

David wanted photos so he knew what we drank (we had already drunk a couple) but it was funny because....

Sour ales are infected from falling yeast whereas Saissons aren't and they served the saissons with glasses over the neck. I think I have now been amused by the most obscure and pointless potetntial joke that never happened except in my mind.

I am not sure where it was. I am sure google does.We were happy for several hours. The had a fire department sign saying No Smoking but it also had ashtrays. I always obey the nearest authority types.

2015-08-04: Pizza!

New York is home of the $1 pizza slice. We have tried a few in varying states of sobriety. They range from greasy cardboard things to Food of the Gods. I haven't done the math yet but I would expect there to be a correlation betwixt beer consumed and pizza's proximity to Mt Olympus.

Probably not his real name

Most of the good ones have been a simple pepperoni and cheese pizza which is pretty much my favourite anyway. Ewa however has the Polish love of the garbage pizza. The more stuff you can cram on top of the poor thing the better in her (wrong and broken) opinion.

I dislike the rolled pizza personally.

At least they don't offer mayonnaise on the pizzas here like in Poland. One of the other sad things about the Polish Princesses upbringing is a lack of advertising. She never developed strong resistance to it.

This is Ewa pretending to like what she considers a piece of bread with no real flavour. She is not a very good actor yet.

And there have been a lot of ads on tele for pizza's with various things stuffed into the crust. So tonight we had Pizza Hut. I will claim that I resisted but the whole "delivery" aspect was so tempting I was weak.

She stole my shirt. I assume this is for looking cute purposes and not a cynical ploy to avoid dropping ranch dressing on her own shirts

In future I will maintain my strength (and dignity) and avoid calls for this monstrosity. A pizza just doesn't need a hotdog in the crust. And providing a thingy of ranch dressing is striding perilously close to the Japanese / Polish idea of mayonnaise on a pizza.

The one in the background was kind of almost like street pizz, the front thing is an abomination...

Pizza Hut, a subsidiary of YUM! brands - who, for full disclosure, I used to do some work for - is the biggest pizza franchise in the world. Ewa and I have discussed this as it perplexes me. I understand places, like my home town growing up, that don't have pizza delivery can rely on pizza hut but as soon as either the good local places starts delivering or one of the other chains comes in I don't see how they survive. Ewa believes that Pizza Hut is just too strong a brand name and embedded in our psyche the same way McDonalds is.

I am worried people actually like the domino's and pizza hut product.

Stay strong New York, run these rat bastards out of town if you have to.

Jukendo Kata: Mokuju vs Mokuju #1 (銃剣道 形)

The person that makes the killing strike is called Shikata
The person that dies is the teacher and is called Uchikata
Mokuju versus Mokuju is started 9 steps apart
The three heart targets are Omote, Ura and Shita

• Omote: Strike arrives from the recipients right hand side of their mokuju
• Ura: Strike arrives from the recipients left hand side of their mokuju over their arm
• Shita: Strike arrives from the recipients left hand side of their mokuju under their arm

• Starting from Chudan
• 3 steps each to issoku itonomai (ten cm overlap of mokuju)
• Uchi tenses as if to strike this makes a teeny tiny opening to Omote. This movement is almost imperceptible. Do it by tensing hand muscles more than anything else.
• Immediately Shi uses the opening to strike Omote.
• Zanshin starts with a large step back by Shi, mokuju should clear each other by about 5cm
• Zanshin is completed with a covering of Uchi's front kote. 
• Uchi starts moving back to issoku  in chudan and Shi follows 
• Any steps required to return to centre are performed by both (normally 3 tiny steps)
• Both lower the mokuju to Geidan
• Both do 5 small steps back to the starting spot
• Return to chudan

What we did wrong (an incomplete list)

• My hanmi is bad the whole way through
• My front hand is wrong
• I didn't make the opening
• Ewa's strike was too far from my heart, it should almost touch
• Ewa's mokuju bounced around during the step back to zanshin
• Zanshin was not deliberate and not at the kote, it was just a general movement sort of in my direction
• We didn't correct distance at the end before lowering the mokuju
• Lowering was about 75% too quick.
• Walking backwards I am not smooth

2015-08-03: Mafioso

Lots of the mafia movies I have seen were set in New Jersey. I also believe the mafia got a lot of their power through operating garbage hauling and disposal companies. I believe this because of those movies. Turns out it is true.

I used to work with guys that would make this kind of thing. His name is BoxMan. He is the mascot of the van rental place.

We grabbed a van to get rid of the rubbish from yesterday and drove to the local disposal place. Turns out they don't accept rubbish from just anyone. They also don't know who would take the rubbish.

Jukendo Muscles Of Power!

His almost total lack of knowledge regarding the rubbish industry got a little weird until he pointed out they were started by the mafia and still operate as if they were the mafia. I think the reason they still operate as if they were the mafia is because they still are the mafia.

It is a toll booth in the middle of a freeway. Leaving your car would be foolish regardless.

We called around and found a place miles away which would take the rubbish so we drove there. It took a while.

In Japan Ramen is written ラーメン. My name is written ラースン. They are arguably similar to look at and everyone sees Ramen written everywhere on restaurants etc. So I get called Ramen a fair amount. When I am lazy and sitting down I often say Rahhh and then announce that I am the Rahhhh man. It may not be a good joke but we keep it going.

It is fitting that the Rahman rides the Rahway! The Amboys can just get the hell out.

When we got to the place that would take the rubbish they said they couldn't take the rubbish because the source of the rubbish was not in an area that they take rubbish from.
I had the brilliant idea of just going to a bar and finding someone local that could drive the rented van and drop it off. Plus it would mean I could get beer. Ellory thought there was a flaw in the plan; the place already knew us and so we would have to give the local guy the keys and wait for him. A New Jersey guy you don't know involving himself in a shady deal would doubtless steal the van.

Seems the kind of strip bar an eighties out of work porn star would be hanging out. He'd get himself involved in shady rubbish related schemes for sure.

If so I figured that would mean he would have the problem of the rubbish, Ellory pointed out he would dump it illegally and the van would be tied to us meaning we would be stranded miles from home with multiple felonies accruing. So I didn't get my beer.

Maybe no beer was for the best though...

Cultural Observations: Wooden Cars

Growing up there was a reasonably popular variation of the morris minor which had a little wooden van body built on the back.

They had a top speed of about 30km/hr... they were not good cars.

I am pretty sure it was because wood was cheap. Not for style reasons.
When I first saw National Lampoons Vacation I wondered about the wooden panelling on Chevy Chases family car. It looked like it had been done as a stylistic thing.

Like badly treated high schooler students books..

Americans seem to still like having cars with wood glued on. I don't get it.

Rating: 2/10 (especially for the plastic glue on stuff)

This is the Pulaski Skyway. It is named for a Polish fellow. Hard to get a decent photo of without a helicopter.

2015-08-02: Like a tiny sweaty Springsteen I am

Sitting on the stoop drinking beer while teenagers walked by yelling stuff in slang that was relatively incomprehensible to me made me want to do more local stuff.

New York is the Home of the Bike Thief apparently. Maybe the bike shop guy was right with his lock recommendations...

New Jersey is the Home Of The Hard Working Man. Look at Springsteen. He either had an awful bloody contract or he just kept working because he loves working.

Springsteen would just write a song about it. We are going to make it pretty.

I would use the same argument regarding Jon Stewart but he quit working. Probably the money offered to do other stuff was so huge he figured he wasn't willing to do that much work.
Everyone values their work by a personal standard and changes are interpreted personally, not sensibly. Certainly I have little intention of working hard.

Well he will make it pretty, I will just smash stuff and put it in piles

Working hard, to me, means getting paid. I take Samuel L Clemens advice to heart. To paraphrase "The job best for you is stuff you want to do, A job that sucks is someone else's job".

I imagine Mark Twain was in a place like this when he penned his Concerning Chambermaids

The stuff I do which pays for our bread and wine is just silly stuff I like doing. The stuff my Dad likes doing is physically tough and mentally demanding, I wouldn't do it if you paid me.

I will do it for free though, that way it is just taking part in the local stuff.

Captain safety wears glasses! And makes tidy piles!

When I worked with my Dad (a hilarious period where my colour blind nature made my Fathers interior decorator soul die just a little) he often took pity on me and would take me on trips to buy stuff as a break from the monotony of painting a grey wall grey (I am not actually that colour blind but it makes it sound like my dreams were crushed as a child and can therefore blame many of my shortcomings on it).

The shops are closed at night. Surely that is when people need lights the most...

My new foreman, Ellory, decided we could go on a car ride. I beat back the temptation to hang my head out the window like a tradesman's dog on a ride to buy lights.

Ohhhh now THAT is tacky! Couldn't talk him into getting it.

New York has a Lights District. Makes me wonder if they have a Hammock District. I wouldn't even care if they made it after the Simpsons joke.

Polish Feast with extra steak

After wreaking destruction on harmless boards we had a dinner party with the naginata people. This was the clever way of getting me protein for my hammer wielding muscles.

I could put the split peas with the lentils making space for the barley.

I made soup with left over sheep leg. US grocery stores do not put the barley in a place where you would expect it. I thought that grocery store layout was a science that had been solved, I occasionally enjoy going through supermarkets looking at what parts of the science they have messed up. Barley not being in any of the places it should have been upset me and I was tempted to move it all to the correct location. Maybe Americans use barley for something we don't.

Jukendo: Basic Exercises, Sandan Tsuki (銃剣道: 基本)

A good feint must look like an attack.
An opponent moving backwards is going to probably be less proficient at blocking.
So we should start chaining attacks, just like playing tekken! (Although we look cooler).

For me the moment this practice became even faintly good was after doing basic strikes without footwork at the rate of about one a second with a 5kg mokuju (it has a steel rod taped under the barrel).
I paid for it the next day with arms that wouldn't raise above my head but it seems the damage done to the muscles and ligaments allowed me to move my arms a lot quicker; stupid muscles and ligaments.

You'll want to have fumikomi under control pretty good before doing this as the speed of stomping definitely opens the door to Mr Cockup. 

Things I do wrong in this video (not a complete list):

• Front arm is bent
• Front hand is not holding with both fleshy pads on the barrel 
• First two strikes the barrel is not horizontal 
• I am not rock solid stable after the last strike.
• Back hand is too high
• more things there are certainly...

Jukendo: Basic Exercises, Fumikomi (銃剣道: 基本)

Loosely speaking you won't score without fumikomi. Jukendo fumikomi is slightly different to kendo style which has a stomp sound to it. We don't use fumikomi in naginata so it is different to that too.

Jukendo is more of a slap sound and you want to be able to do lots of them very quickly one after the after. If you don't know how to do fumikomi at all you probably want to start by trying to learning kendo style (it seems easier). Alex Bennett did a good video on that:

Remember that jukendo footwork in general is a series of smaller steps than kendo or naginata and that any movement up / down or loss of hanmi which would be acceptable risk in kendo / naginata is probably going to be viewed as a huge striking opportunity in jukendo as most movements are much smaller.

Once you  have a bit of a handle on fumikomi do it for every step up and down the dojo. You should have Feet Of Fire after half an hour or so.

When the flames have subsided start trying to get more of a slap sound to the impact, I think this is easiest by landing on the heel first and then slapping the front of the foot to the ground. The trick is to land on the heel without much weight, weight will make you cry. I practice this by standing still with my heel on the ground and just slapping the floor with the front of my foot quickly.

Jukendo: Front Hand Grip (銃剣道: 基本)

Stand holding the mokuju vertically in front of you with your left hand.
Your hand should be straight, no bent wrist.
Lower your arm without bending it until your right hand can grip the butt.
Pull the mokuju in to kamae without changing your front wrist grip at all (no releasing the two fleshy pads of your hand from the mokuju).
Keep your front elbow in the same plane in front of you.
This should result, if you have maintained hanmi (sideways stance of the body), in a very small area of the kata being visible to the opponent.

If, like me, this is impossible due to

• New kata being stiff
• Wrists being designed for hauling nets from the sea rather than elegant movement
• General ineptitude

The best solution is to find a passing sensei and ask, politely of course, him to poke you in the ribs any time he sees it open. If you are averse to this volume of beatings I guess you could do footwork practice in front of a mirror and look for the opening. Personally I find the beatig method teaches me quicker.

2015-08-01: Seekrits

Saturday training is at a school of some type. Pretty much the same people as Friday night training but at least we don't have to share the hall with the Kyudo people. When the Kyudo people start shooting their arrows the length of the hall we have to leave. I reckon we could take them if we really wanted to stay. But I am trying to be a Lovely Guest so I won't go starting archers vs. polearms battles just yet. The kiddies at this school do a fair bit of art and it is displayed all over the walls.

Cold Romans! The kiddies may be as puerile as me

Part of our plan to be Lovely Guests involves doing a demonstration of jukendo and tankendo. This means draping our host in armour and poking him with sticks while he is slightly not sure of what is happening or why. We claim to be teaching him the secrets of jukendo. When he learns them we will poke him with the other sticks.

I know something is going to happen.

And so far it all seems fun...

It's a little different to naginata but not too far

oh lord simon is a fat heavy bastard...

"A way to a Man's heart is through his Chest". that is the secret...

And my turn!

Secrets learned, art mastered, on to the next thing!

I am not sure this approach would work with everyone. It seemed to go over well and so I congratulate us on our awesome host choosing skills.
One of the things we have noticed about our less than awesome tourism skills is that we spend an inordinate amount of time in halls with wooden floors, wearing the same clothes and hanging out with people from effectively the same sub culture. We therefore try to take as many opportunities as possible to do the local things and so avoid the conversations where people ask us advice on a place we have been and all we can remember is how to get to the dojo (or the nearest pub).

Pretty sure this is a stoop. I was in 12 Angry Men at High School. They talked about stoops a lot. No one was murdered on this stoop.

Sometimes these opportunities are as simple as recalling something from tv about the place or people. Sometimes it is from drunken rambling conversations in bars (oh yeah, we often can comment in great detail about bars close to dojos in cities we have been).

This is a fireman (or a policeman). He wears the shirt of the bar he was at so his wife knows where he was that night He cannot comment in much detail about the bar.

One of those conversations occurred the other day at Skinners Loft (a bar surprisingly far from a dojo) when discussing quintessential Jersey things. Taylors Ham is apparently a North Jersey speciality (the Southern Jersey people have other names for it and so are sub human monsters).

This is the bar his T shirt advertised. It has zero signage and painted over windows. It also has a Police Fraternity badge on the door. After this photo it had a vast number of drunken cops (or firemen) outside. A bus full of them and their empty kegs pulled up.

One of the places recommended for sampling said Ham also featured in the Burger discussion. After a hard day of training we shall refuel.

Places Review: New Park Tavern (It is a secret bar!)

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https://www.facebook.com/pages/New-Park-Tavern/120676404610430

There is a hint of mistrust in his eyes after the afternoons fun. "We are going to another secret thing? ummmm okay I guess".

I dislike places that have a facebook page and no website. I dislike facebook generally and only joined it when a significant percentage of the people I wanted to talk to started using it. I also find that the endless drivel customers put on business facebook pages turns me off the business a fair bit. Kind of like Metallica, I like the band, I dislike the fans. I love this bar.

The problem with 3 people and things cut in half is that I am bad at basic math.

Menu is all of three or four items. Two guys do everything. They do it well. You want to order drinks in a fashion that ensures you aren't sitting on an empty as the guys are dragged into a hairy dog tale at the other end of the bar though.

Chips and bacon count as infinitely dividable. I am good with 0, 1 and infinite. 2 is tricky.

The food is some of the best we have had in NY/NJ. I don't know if it was a lucky night or we were just crazy hungry or what. Americans on the internet talking about food can normally be ignored by any other culture in the world I think, they have a whole bunch of code words and seem determined to bitch about something, anything.

Oh and I am good at unknown. There are zero Polski Ogurki, One Sandwich, Infinite portions of fries and an unknown reason for lack of good cameras at this table (actually the reason is because I forgot to sing my "things to carry with me" song so I left the camera at home).

Maybe they bitch about something to make them seem like good reviewers. Even then the primary compliment for a place is "The servings were huge". We care about flavour and rarely bitch about things (except nationalities other than our own - and that is Australian style banter we both picked up whilst there).

Rating: 9.5/10. (It was so good we went back to check we weren't obscenely drunk and over praising it).

Of course just because there is a massive police presence in a slightly seedy area of town doesn't mean you are guaranteed safe I guess. We have never really had problems anywhere in the world and so are bad people to take advice from regarding dodginess of areas.

I don't think they have dingos in America so I guess someone else stole the baby. Meryl would spend a week in the Miss America Diner and have the accent down pat.

I figure it is because I have the look of someone so ignorant it must be a trap. When I was having a smoke outside a guy in a nice enough car came around the corner with a flat tire. Then he did a fast U turn and drove away on his flat tire. I didn't check his plates for New Jersey vs New York. So I guess there is a chance it is an area some people are nervous about.