2015-08-14: Lights Require Food

In any world based in reality we would claim that we have training this evening and therefore need food. In reality we are going to claim we are going checklisting and that requires food.

Those curved windows just kill me (so does the smile of course but Ewa does that in front of straight windows too).

The sad truth is that we are becoming a little enamoured of the local diner and we are going there for breakfast just to see what we can actually have for breakfast.

A small bowl of debate. The internet claims the soup is something which it definitely isn't. The menu claims the soup is what it is. Wikipedia is a lying whore, the waitresses don't seem amenable to argument and Ewa likes it so I will praise Brunswick soup forever (so long as you have it at this diner).

We got there late because we are lazy but I think what we ate was still technically breakfast. Largely because this is New Jersey and I am pretty sure that saying the word brunch will have the staff hunting for your fixie bike, breaking into pieces and smacking you over the head with the biggest piece.

heh. break-fast. I simply do not fast that long.

If you don't have a fixie bike they will consider you a smart alec and probably beat you to death with Springsteen albums.
I am not sure if we had a snooze after breakfast and before Ellory said time for training. If we didn't we spent the intervening hours in a food coma. Then we trained.

Panoramic Blur, Camera probably had a high pulse rate.

Most people don't create short term memories when their pulse is above 150 odd so I assume we trained hard as I don't remember a thing from that either.

Low f stop means New York in lights is blurry, obviously I have a habit of focussing on the most important feature of a photo. Is Lady, Is Purty Lady.

Then we went up to a street in Jersey which has great views of New York by Night.

I have always thought Karl Pilkington was kind of correct when he said he'd rather live in the cave opposite the fancy carved buildings in Al-Khazneh.

Obviously I can still make the lights blurry because I am still thinking about the Purty Lady

The places on the street in Jersey facing New York probably have betting plumbing than the cave in Petra so it makes even more sense.

And Purty Lady touched the railing so obviously I focus on that too

I am guessing if you lived there you'd bitch about the tourist buses though. People love to bitch about something. 

I will bitch about my camera lenses, I need more... Just to prove I look at my surroundings; not just what Ewa is doing.

Purty Lady in focus...

Or of course google in it's wisdom has decided to make my photo better

Just make it blurry on old looking paper and sell it to the tourists... Google don't sell camera lenses.

2015-08-13: Classy Foods Are Classy

I like Seinfeld (the show) this makes me a unique individual. I ignore the fact it is the most popular sitcom ever or something. I also like Comedians in Cars getting Coffee. I notice that many episodes the quintessential New Yorker drives into New Jersey to get coffee at a diner.

If Donald Trump served the food it would be even better.

American coffee is, as a rule, pretty shit and I don't think Jersey has significantly better coffee. I figure Jerry is doing the same thing as me. Jersey diners are awesomely cool.

If I had brought my bike along I could lean it on the post and make a cool photo. Pretend I did because photoshop is hard. Oh plus pretend this Diner is in Jersey (it is just off Wall Street)

If a good proportion of peoples reaction to food is in the presentation then surely if the presentation started in the car park then the food is even more awesome-erer. New Jersey diners have a pretty cool presentation from the outside.

Probably cooler at night. I envisage Vegas style blinky lights in the crown. They would be cool.

Or of course Jerry and I are just shallow, shallow people. That wouldn't make us unique though. Most people are pretty crappy, he and I just get paid for being awful people.

Not! A! Diner! plus needs a go kart track around the outside. That would be awesome, vroom vroom vroom one burger please, vroom vroom vroom, now more beer! plus burgers! I'm winning!!! We're All Winning!!!

Ellory is not awful people. Japanese people have a tendency to worship The Froggies and their stuff, usually via food. Martial arts people have a tendency to semi-worship Japanese stuff, mostly via food. We went to a Japanese marketplace, mostly restaurants.

Has a driving range next door. Pretty good qualifications for japanese food.

I think there are forums (reddit, alt.tasteless) which worship Australian stuff but mostly in a "Can you believe actual people live like that?". I don't think Australian food has ever made the canon of "You Should Try This It Is Great".

Ohhhhh plastic representations of food. Shame they didn't have the food I wanted. Need more plastic food dwarves that remove the plates as they go off the menu.

And I know that Libertarians that have never travelled worship New Zealand stuff. But I still can't find the show "I moved to New Zealand For Freedom". I would totally illegally download that show. As would any Australian.
My Japanese is still shit and so my instinct to order in bad japanese was met with incredulous incomprehension by the staff.

I think I ordered more food than a single person is meant to eat again, I blame America.

Then I remembered we are in an English speaking country and ordered, got my food and was halfway through before Ewa returned with her fancy arse dinner.

Like jewels in a box hers was.

2015-08-12: Distracted Easily

We were totally involved in the remodel of the store and the colour schemes and budget requirements and mafia refuse dumping rules. Then we kind of forgot. We keep seeing shiny things and forget what we were meant to be thinking about.

A smiley face lock in the bathroom? That's me out of the conversation for like 30 minutes.

 Somehow Ellory kept things on track and the store has been remodelled and cleaned up and such.

At least it doesn't say the original tastes bad I guess. Took some time to process the logic behind the sign which meant little erudition from me.

I think Ellory works a lot. We should probably follow his example. Knuckle down and be conscientious.

The best skateboarding kneepads were the Rector brand. There were jokes about Rector Reek because they got so damn smelly. Rector Street rhymes with Rector Reek but doesn't smell the same. It is another half hour I am out of adult conversations though. Ewa pretends my rambling is amusing which is just encouraging me.

We won't of course. But at least now when someone says we should totally get on track with our lives and be sensible we can say "oh you mean like Ellory?"

Exposed bricks and tidy shelves

Having a response is better than nodding mutely I suppose.
Plus most people won't know Ellory. So then we can use the classic misdirection by explaining how dedicated he is and all and they will forget that the original topic of discussion was how bad we suck at being grown ups.

Probably won't give them a link to this blog as that would give the game away.

Ewa got a little OCD about the shelves but we will not be opening a grocery store in NY / NJ or anywhere. It really looks like actual work and I prefer seeing silly things and giggling.

2015-08-11: You'll Pay For That

Hotdogs are not good for you in large amounts.
I am not sure if they are good for you in small amounts.
Things Happened. Bad Things. In the Down There Areas.

The pain caused by the hotdogs and exacerbated by boxing has made me see the light.

I shall cook lovely vegetables and braised chicken in a Froggy style for my loved ones.

Then I shall channel my hatred for the hotdogs and their gastrointestinal influence into the punching bag.

I should probably warn Coach Jay about this plan. First a glass of wine though.

2015-08-10: The Hot Doggening Pt I

Yesterday we did very little after the Nerd Night. Going out in public was not such an attractive idea. After boxing I started making a Tourist Checklist plan. Today we put that plan into action.

I made a map based on opening times and such. I may have been over confident in our eating skills but I at least planned for a recuperative stroll through the park midway.

NY is famous for hotdogs. We shall eat all the hotdogs. That Kobayashi guy can eat over 100 hotdogs in 10 minutes. He is from Nagano. We lived in Nagoya. Those place names are similar enough I figure some kind of numerology will work for us too.
I think we can eat 12 hotdogs in 12 miles in 4 hrs and 4 minutes.

I get a hotdog here everyday after boxing (mapref but he can stroll up and down Martin Luther King Dr a bit). This is the standard to beat. He makes his own chilli and he now starts making the dog when he see me approach. Most street vendors use the same brand of hotdog so the chilli / fixings is the differentiating factor. Oh and I say "dog" now I am not sure this is correct and lack the conviction to stick to it.

Creating this plan I used several websites claiming to rank the best hotdogs in NY. I read each page, correlated the opinions, verified times and looked at references for each location in articles. And I noted down what the recommended purchase was at each place.

Rules of The Hot Dog-ening

1. Must be on Manhattan Island
2. Must purchase recommended hotdog

It has flags and Lady statues but at about a million dollars a hotdog we won't visit this one today. Plus not on the island. I have a theory that the higher on Tourist Checklists the place is the higher the hotdog price is.

I probably should have checked the places actually exist, there was a reference to a place in Battery Park where some froggies are making a hotdog with good bread and tons of melted gruyere. No one in Le District knows what Le 'Otdog is or where you can get one. Even when I didn't use a silly french accent they didn't understand me.

Lots of other interesting things but we have a mission. Le Mission if you will. Ours doesn't have a nice font though, it is just scribbled notes in my backpocket.

The Revised Rules (II) Of The Hotdog-ening are:

1. Must Exist
2. Must be on the Island
3. Must purchase recommended hotdog

Paulus Hook Ferry Terminal, New Jersey. Windy. I am not sure if wind factors into the average hotdog rating.

This is your stock standard NY style street hot dog. They are not very good without chilli. I think NY people consider sauerkraut and mustard obligatory but ketchup a sign a of weak soul. He didn't have sauerkraut but he is in Jersey and so falls out of the NY standards. I think that means he would be allowed ketchup or chilli but he didn't have them either.

Excluding the post boxing hotdog from the checklist, we decided to start simple with a street dog at the dock before grabbing the ferry over to the island.

The Revised Rules (III) Of The Hot-dog-ening are:

1. Boxing hotdog totally counts in the tally
2. Must Exist
3. Can be on the Island 
4. Can be where we are right now so long as we are on the way to the island
5. Must purchase recommended hotdog

Strictly speaking Grays Papaya should be 5th on our trip but the subway lined up well for a trip to the top of the map and Ewa was already wondering how many more hot dogs we could eat.

Grays Papaya (website, mapref) is famous for The Recession Special. They are also one of several places that sells hotdogs alongside tropical fruit juices. I think there was a fad for tropical fruits at about the same time hotdogs became profitable in a store front style here, there are quite a few "hotdogs and fruit juice" places. For me the flavours aren't really good together so I skip the juices.

For cheap hotdogs these were good.The chilli was not as good as the After Boxing hotdogs but technically those ones don't count for this list. Plus those ones I am ravenous when I get there which probably counts for something.

The Recession Special has been available for decades now; $5 for 2 hotdogs and a drink. I skipped the drink and got chilli on the hotdogs which changed the price a bit. I am guessing Bill Clinton never eats here. Or if he does he just sits in the corner and glares at the owner muttering "pffft sell Recession Special during my presidency will you". I am guessing Bush would eat here but he would miss the joke.

The Revised Rules (IV) Of The Hot-dog-ening are:

1. Boxing hotdog totally counts in the tally
2. Must Exist
3. Can be on the Island 
4. Can be where we are right now so long as we are on the way to the island
5. Should purchase recommended hotdog 
6. If recommended purchase is a Value For Money deal can add tasty things to it

Shake Shack is wildly popular. I think it is an Actual Tourist Place. Either that or we got there later than we expected. They have different queues for what you want to order in an attempt to streamline things. Doesn't work. I think we waited about half an hour for hot dogs.

The length of the wait means I skipped the recommended item and got one of each of the basic types. One of them was the recommended item but I forget which one. We agree the chicago style hotdog is the best.They call it a Shack Cago Dog though. Puns are awful.

We discussed these dogs. At about $4 each is one of these better than 2 chilli dogs from Grays Papaya? In the case of the Chicago Dog maybe. The wait time is a deal breaker for me though.
Plus my After Boxing Dogs are only a buck each and they are the best so far "value for money" wise and second only to the Chicago Dog flavourwise. But I am not sure I could eat 4 of them.

Fairly sure that is the Ghostbusters building. Diversions and digressions are acceptable. Didn't have enough hairspray for a decent Sigourney impression though. If I move to New York I will start a business selling props for tourist location photo ops. Red dresses and hairspray? we would have bought some.

When I said I wasn't sure I could eat 4 chilli dogs after boxing the goal of eating 12 hotdogs was called into question. Further evidence was presented where the original 12 hotdogs in the evening was based on one hotdog at each location, a rule we have already strayed from.

The Revised Rules (V) Of The Hotdogening are:

1. Boxing hotdog totally counts in the tally
2. Must Exist
3. Can be on the Island 
4. Can be where we are right now so long as we are on the way to the island
5. Should purchase recommended hotdog 
6. If recommended purchase is a Value For Money deal can add tasty things to it
7. Are not limited purely to the recommended purchase

We strolled through Central Park because it is a Checklist item. Not because we were full of hot dogs at all.

A quick constitutional through the park and the inevitable getting lost, getting side tracked and so on had us in the mood for a HotDog. Fortunately I knew of a nearby location. I got lost on the way there but that just added to the hunger which, being the best sauce, meant these would surely be great hotdogs. They even have a froggy name! Epicerie Boulud! (mapref, website)

Actually I think beer is the best sauce. Most places didn't serve beer. Froggies at least are aware that beer should be provided in all settings. Good froggies.

The problem with Froggies, I find, is that they don't understand the quintessential nature of trashy food. Fresh salad, good bread, even a reasonable piece of meat (despite being in tubular form). Dijonaise style mustardy sauce. All of these things are great. But they are not a hotdog. 

The Revised Rules (VI) Of The Hot Dog En Ing are:

1. Boxing hotdog totally counts in the tally
2. Must Exist
3. Can be on the Island 
4. Can be where we are right now so long as we are on the way to the island
5. Should purchase recommended hotdog 
6. If recommended purchase is a Value For Money deal can add tasty things to it
7. Are not limited purely to the recommended purchase
8. Can totally quit halfway through, pretend that true research takes longer than a single evening.

Results of Round One 

• Post Boxing Street Dog: First Round Knockout!
  
• Ferry Terminal Dog: Good to set a low standard at the beginning, last.
  
• Le District Chien: I imagine it was good when it existed, if it had been last of the evening it would rank highly as imagination wouldn't have filled my stomach any further.
  
• Grays Juiceless: Loses on taste and cheapness to the boxing dog.
  
• Shakey Word Play: They have this whole California Dream theme but their best dog is from Pole infested Chicago. Poles couldn't afford it, but it is good.
  
• Froggy Fancy Boy: Froggies should not go local. Do steak frites, don't do them in a bun.
  

Rating: 6/12 (except with the revised rules it might be 9/9 the math is tricky)

2015-08-08: Nerd Night

Way back when I was learning that databases were a viable career choice there was a little web comic, one of the first, called Goats. I liked it a fair bit more importantly though it had a mailing list for fans (this was in the days before comment sections were commonplace).

In the comic there were never cars in the way of the magnificent vista

It actually had two mailing lists. One which was on topic discussion of the comics. It didn't have much traffic. And The Other One.
The Other One was full of miscreants and whackjobs ranting and raving, I felt quite at home. I think I survived several jobs from the late 90's through to the mid 2000's venting frustration on that list. Most of the people were US based and we are finally here so we decided to meet some of them.

All the stickers show it is a true nerd heaven, Beer list is good and so is the scotch list, possible the scotch list is a bad influence.

The comic strip was largely set in The Peculier Pub on Bleecker street. Lacking much in the way of creativity we met there. Or of course we met there as an homage to the comic. Yeah let's say that.

David only acts surprised, he is scheming the whole time. He does drunken meet ups on a semi professional basis. On the bright side he is not like Paris Hilton who only has one pose for photos.

Gary is Subtly Naughty

Jon and I are innocent, the rest of them made us do things, even if we were tricked into making the bad decisions.

-dha and "an entity claiming to be" in my email were signs the afternoon would involve beer. In person without .sig's they were just as bad an influence.

We almost look like it was a worthy topic of discussion. Probably wasn't.

See what I mean? Is that or is it not the look of a man that has contentedly dropped the trap in the conversation. Smug bastard.

Jon has a new comic strip (Scenes from a Multiverse) it attracts clever well dressed people I shall insult (I don't think he was offended, I think he looked at me like I was a grandpa on a lawn)

More cool kids following the new cool strip.

I suspect our random tirades grew thin after a while

I am pretty sure he was saying "You should marry me because I am not as bad as those drunk old guys"

Hand gestures were eventually required for clarity.

Fairly sure that despite the obnoxious nature of the mailing list we never actually excluded Ladies through misogynistic behaviour. We are equal opportunity insulters.

Wait maybe he does have a single pose. I have never seen David and Paris Hilton at the same time.

For some reason she doesn't even have a burning hatred of me and my friends in her eyes yet.

Trying to get us to dance might be a teeny tiny bit too far though.

We drank a lot then had pizza at some place.