2015-06-11: Field Trip

All good classes have a field trip for the kiddies at the end of the class. We decided to do the same. Cynics may say that this was because the dirty filthy ninja children managed to infect Ewa as well but we prefer to look on the bright side.

All I saw was that you shouldn't have dinner without a glass of wine.

In Australia when you get bitten by something they recommend you take the something to the hospital so the doctor knows exactly what he is dealing with. Or the exact opposite - I can't remember - maybe they say not to because it will bite you some more times while you try to catch it.
Either way the stinky little ninja children are difficult to catch as samples so we didn't take them.

Easily pleased

Our Japanese teacher managed to explain to the doctors what Ewa has and he gave her a bunch of drugs. Hopefully these will not be an issue at customs as we have no real idea what they are and the notes are in Japanese which I am guessing the average US customs person is not going to read so well.

I assume it has words of congratulations at the bottom. Along the lines of My Lord you are doing well, keep it up champ plus the nurse thinks you're cute.

As I am almost better I didn't bother talking to the doctor and instead wandered around playing with the toys they had. One was a blood pressure machine. Before getting my CPAP machine my blood pressure was about 160/90. I have now been using the CPAP machine for about 6 months and it is down to 140/80. 70 bpm seems pretty good too, before the CPAP machine my heart rate asleep was about 100. Now I play with toys at a nice low rate. So I think I am winning at playing Doctors and Nurses.

Astroboy recommends nice food. I will follow his advice.

For my current blood pressure The Mayo clinic recommends that I maintain or adopt a healthy lifestyle although they recommend that for all blood pressure levels so I am not sure how good their advice is.

2015-06-10: Seeking Validation

Under the guise of saying "See you later" we dropped by our favourite Izakaya. Ewa was actually there because she is building her own internal stockpile of food we won't be able to get; asparagus, salmon and roe sushi.

Our favourite waiter. He also validated our Japanese For Drunkards skills

I was there for validation of my training technique.

Activity Review: Eating Seafood

Before coming here I actively avoided seafood. Over the years I have tried to learn to eat it but never really succeeded. This attempt I decided that I would eat a small amount of any seafood that appeared on the table. I also loaded up on allergy medication because I am a prudent (and trustworthy) man.

Octupus or calamari or something. Not knowing the names of things actually makes it easier for me. Once again being stupid pays off.

It appears that my body no longer reacts to seafood and the only remaining challenge is mental. If I am tired I find it harder to psyche myself through new seafood types.
But salmon and tuna I now regard as actual food.

Rating: 7/10 (I still cannot do strong flavoured chewy stuff though, big sheets of nori kill me)

Real world linguistic skills still lacking. I have no idea what this means and suspect it may not be right way up. Looks like a dragon to me though so I like it.

2015-06-09: Signs of the Times

Thinking of the Italians as being calm and relaxed is a change for me.

Don't make your dog embarrassed

A small labo would be cramped, this one has elbow room

Honesty!

Japanese version of Kali is more the God of Self Gratification than Goddess of Destruction

2015-06-08: Ninjas! Little Ones!

There must have been children near me recently as I have caught a bit of a cold. This only happens near children, but I didn't see any. Ninjas are by definition hard to see.
Therefore tiny ninja children have been sneezing on things and touching things with their disease ridden hands. Stupid ninja children.
Thailand has no history of ninjas as far as I am aware. I will seek sterile surroundings in their sanctuary.

It's a bugger to find, had to circle the block therefore the ninjas will find it hard as well

I have a theory!
There are some people that are called super tasters. Apparently they taste some things more than normal people. I assume it is genetic because lots of stuff is (and it supports my theory which is the most important thing about facts). I assume if super tasters taste things more strongly then they notice differences better than me (I assume I am at the other end of the scale due to lifestyle choices, general awareness and so on but mostly genetics).

Thai Beef Salad, Flavour Explosion! Ninjas hate explosions

I suspect that the locals have a higher concentration of super tasters and that might explain why the range of flavours here tends towards small differences; tuna nigiri is often served with three different cuts; lean, mildly fatty and super fatty.

Green Curry,Olfactory camouflage!

Unless I am paying attention they are all just tuna. When I do pay attention I can choose my favourite one quite reliably but it would be a stretch to say I have a huge preference. I assume a super taster would notice the differences more markedly.

Crying Tiger, Tigers are a distracting threat!

I like this theory as it means that my preferences for extreme flavours (super smokey scotch I love whereas mainland stuff mostly tastes all about the same unless I think about it) is a genetic thing. It is not that I am just an uncultured clod.

I can tell the difference between Thai rice and Japanese

2015-06-07: Realisation

Last night made us face up to the fact we are off soon. Japan has grown on us a lot. We will be sad to leave.

And I have finally learned how to use the bike racks now...

This morning there was a protest in the streets. Protests happen a lot here. In Sydney there was maybe one or two a year which made the news. Here we don't watch the news so we can't really compare directly but if I wander past a protest of some form or another every week or two then it stands to reason there are a few more than Sydney has.
Although it must be admitted in Sydney I rarely left the house so maybe this is a bad comparison as well.

Cultural Observations: Protests

Japanese protests come in various shapes and sizes.
There is the lunatic that drives along blaring a message in English once a week. His message is hard to follow but incorporates every internet conspiracy theory you can name with a hint of local flavour. I think the illuminati were responsible for the nuking of Japan according to him. Not 100% sure as that message had global warming linked to fukushima with the random juxtapositions that make me forgive his early morning speaker blaring sojourn.

I think this one involved mothers. Mothers that are upset about something.

Then there are the right wing crazies. They don't bother me much either as their weekend morning drive throughs tend to a bit of orchestral music. Not sure what the music is, I assume Now That We've Found Love (With The True Japanese Spirit) What Are We Going To Do With It but it is nice enough weekend wakeup music.
I remember reading an article about Japanese skinheads organising a march. They got the paperwork files and everything but no one turned up.
I find the idea of paperwork for your march when you are dedicated to the violent overthrow of society delightful

Rating: 9/10 (If I understood the language I might downgrade them)

I have started building an internal stock of Tebasaki against a 3 month drought. I will miss this more than the protests.

2015-05-06: Preparatory Planning

We are going to the States soon. Learning how Americans do things is a good idea.

We could watch modern american cinema to derive the whimsical, insightful and meaningful commentary of american culture that I am sure is being produced. The only nearby cinema we know of does Japanese art films though.

It could be a gun club but I doubt it.

So we went to a US themed bar loved by American expats. There was a choice of one named coyly for sexual activities or one named for binge drinking. We all have partners so went for the binge drinking option.

Food & Beverage Review: Shooters

mapref
http://www.shooters-nagoya.com/index.asp
A lot of the reviews I read online written by americans give negative reviews based on service (for all countries including america). They really seem to take it seriously as part of the customer experience.
Shooters does not take service seriously.

Quite a few nationalities but mostly Americans

We are now accustomed to vaguely shouting "# beers please" as we walk in to a place and having them pretty much at the table when you sit down, even in our shitty Japanese this invariably works.
Shooters I had to actively hunt, gather and forage for drinks.

Has a dartboard as well, it was a real one and so commandeered by a couple of English guys obviously sick of electronic darts.

Granted the place is pretty big by Japanese standards and the staff are largely westerners so holding them to Japanese standards might not be fair.

Food was okay and large.

In Japan tipping is actively discouraged so maybe the staff are pissed off at their wages not being inflated by tipping. I guess this could explain it.

Rating 4/10 (plus no one tried to pick me or Conrad up and I was assured it was famous as a place for locals with a penchant for tubby white boys to practice their seduction skills - maybe we should have gone to the bar named for sex acts)

2015-06-05: You can't un-see some things

We had grand plans of trying one of the Australian themed restaurants today. The planning consisted of making the decision to walk past and see if it was open. Whichever silly Australian themed place it was wasn't open which was okay, looking at the menu revealed the usual nonsense being passed off as Australian food. Why do these places never have a BBQ and Little Creatures on tap? I certainly didn't eat emu while drinking fosters in the 20 years I spent in Australia. I realise I may not be a model citizen but I'm not that far from normal.

Video arcades have changed. We didn't use to have PS3 controllers. Or ashtrays for that matter...

We were walking as, due to excessive rain last night, we caught a cab home from training. We have been assured that the only things stolen in this country are bikes and umbrellas. We still had an umbrella therefore the bikes had likely been stolen.
We realised our mistake, silently apologised to Japan and wandered up to the station to fetch the bikes we left there on the way to training. Forgetting to take the umbrella.

Audrey Hepburn Video Game! I bet there is a Breakfast Bonus Round.

The continuing drizzly rain prompted us to grab cover along the way. I figured Seedy Japanese Video Game Parlours would have to be the coolest thing that 12 year old me had ever seen.

A Little Black Dress would have probably got her into the bonus round.

I have never seen a fashion video game before so convinced Ewa to try. It turned out to be a game for doubles. I should have known this when I was entering our names. The keypad was in hirigana so I took wild guesses at what characters to use.

Sute & Ma. Our new stage names.

Oddly after entering your name in hirigana it is displayed in english characters. At least I got two letters correct, Except I think I was trying to do Larsen for me.

If you do not view this full screen on the JumboTron you will never feel the true awesomeness.

For some reason there was no score at the end of the game. Probably our score was so high the game assumed we cheated.

We celebrated our modelling career launch with sushi. That's what the eighties models all ate.

Eighties models were into kanji I think.

Octupus or squid, either way I think this is a new level of Fish Eating achieved as well. Probably bonus round time soon.

Totally digging the asparagus ideas

Suti & Ma demand Fish Eggs on many things.

No cocaine was supplied at the launch party. Maybe modern day models don't use cocaine.

Japan has to want us to stay as we are now model citizens.

2015-06-04: Apologies to the Americans

I have ranted about Ramen and the American decision that it is the greatest of all food stuff before. The uptake and obsession amongst American Ramen lovers I have blamed on their shitty ramen experiences prior to having good stuff.

Golden is good right?

Good ramen is good. Shit ramen is shit. That's all there is to it and making some awful bloody ramen burger is not venturing into the world of good.
Japan has bad ramen too. We had some. Perhaps this is what has kept their perspective in check over the years.

Nothing gets better from here.

On the basis of this I apologise slightly to the Americans who may been offended. I will however keep it is a generic insult to hurl in the face of any American hat is not aware of the mitigating fact.
Just because you can never have enough generic nationality based insults.

I will bow as I insult them. That ought to confuse them enough. Works for the elevator repair guys.

2015-06-03: Going For Broke

Ewa's leg is almost completely back to normal now. The muscular atrophy has been reversed and so our boxing coach has stepped the game up a bit.

Bouncy Bouncy on the Balls of the Feet

This is great as no longer do I have to suffer the torment of him dancing around merrily while I stagger and wheeze in his general direction alone.

Smiling indicates still at the beginning of the round.

I am pretty sure that after the first round my entire tactical thought is If I get close enough I can just fall on him. Ewa cannot use that strategy as she weighs about the same as him.

Taunting by the coach is usually at the end of the round

That weight differential is the reason she can skip much longer and better than me. This si my claim and I stick to it.

And a quick little dig to the stomach indicates it is my turn in the ring.

Sign Review: Just Not Sure

Sometimes there are obvious bad translations.

And I claim their use of avenue is incorrect anyway. Should be street.

Sometimes you can't be sure.
We will probably have to go visit what appears to be a Beatles fan club bar at some point and see how it actually is.

Rating: 8/10 (pretty sure the beatles were fairly cool with gay dudes being cool with being gay)

Ramen Turtle Knows Many Things

My cunning plan regarding the skipping issue is to lose more weight. Fortunately my favourite turtle has announced he will help me.

I translate this as Get Skinny Eat Soup. But the Japanese do read right to left so maybe it means Eat Soup Get Fat. Curse these cultural differences.

Not sure if it is just marketing crap but I am keeping it secret 'til it works then I will surprise the boxing coach.

Either way I will have learned a useful condiment making trick.

2015-06-02: Training Strategies

I hate people that read Sun Tsu / Musashi for business purposes.
Actually that's not true.

More backyard training. We get to do this while waiting for Dance Partners to arrive.

I hate people that

1. Read Sun Tsu / Musashi 
2. Think they can apply it to business 
3. Then also need to tell me about it.

And it is the 3 that annoys me. The 2 I think is hilarious, I want to be in a meeting where they rock out a mobile flanking attack with a retreating armoured front line and the rivers flow with so much blood that some old roman dude will write a poem about it.

Probably Sun Tsu and Musashi should have mentioned how important taking every opportunity to train is. Would have sold less books though I guess. People hate training.

I guess it is a good thing that instead of attending those meetings and possibly being inspired to Unleash Hell On Someone's Command (or just a whim - I do share two citizenships with Russell Crowe so it would be a cultural whim) I spend my time wearing helmets which prevent me hearing about how The Five Rings totally knocked that client off their feet! and mostly with people that have interesting observations on exactly what those books were about but very definite ideas about what being Knocked Off Their Feet means.

Blowtorched microwave pizza. Obviously I am going to eat it but part of that decision is the novelty of the idea.

Plus I get to learn new words. New words make me a cultured inebriate. Still an inebriate but one of those cool ones that shows up in movies with wisdom and such.

Linguistic Skills: Nomi Hou Dai

We already covered omakase at some point I think. Yep, here. Omakase is the equivalent of Chefs Choice. Nomi Hou Dai is the Yin to the Yang of that idea. It is all you can drink. It usually comes with a time limit.

Chopsticks and Salad. I think I have mentioned before that you all should do this. If I didn't, you should. Kicks the crap out of a knife and fork. Think of it as a tactical choice to choose your target and destroy it accurately rather than carpet bombing the plate haphazardly if that makes you feel better.

I have made the mistake of asking for it at places that have already seen me come in after training and the owner has decided that it would not be in his interests to let this particular person be involved in such an endeavour. 

Admittedly this looked better in their picture. Still pretty great though. Bacon, radish and tomato. Sort of like what caprese salad would be like if you got hit in the head a lot.

I am pretty sure the Art Of War specifically says not to let your opponent know your strengths and weaknesses so this is my fault.

We grabbed a quick and easy set menu from the place next door tonight and were told it came with Nomi Hou Dai. Fortunately for them I had already had my initial burst of rehydration when we got there.

Half gratin / half risotto. Keeps everyone guessing. Musashi said this was important. The guessing bit. Although he probably would have liked this too. I wonder if he ever wrote a cookbook. I wonder if a good cookbook can be repurposed for business meetings?

Rating: 8/10 (Maybe I should burst in, announce Nomi Hou Dai and then commence. I think that would meet Sun Tsu's advice regarding full frontal attacks)

I did finish it, I am not proud.